


Comical Distortion

by Detective_In_Space



Category: Dangan Ronpa - All Media Types, New Dangan Ronpa V3: Everyone's New Semester of Killing
Genre: Alternate Universe - Non-Despair (Dangan Ronpa), Alternate Universe - Phantom Thief, Alternate Universe - Spies & Secret Agents, Future Foundation (Dangan Ronpa), M/M, Ouma not Oma, Possible Spoilers, Saiouma Exchange
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-26
Updated: 2018-07-26
Packaged: 2019-06-16 08:59:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,166
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15433530
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Detective_In_Space/pseuds/Detective_In_Space
Summary: Saihara Shuuichi works as an investigator alongside Momota Kaito and Harukawa Maki for the Future Foundation. Recently, Towa City has been facing attacks from the new criminal organization DICE, and it's up to the trio of detectives to capture the mysterious association's members.(For #15 in the SaiOuma Exchange on Tumblr)





	Comical Distortion

**Author's Note:**

> This is for a gift for recipient #15! You listed that you would enjoy a spy/secret agent au, and I tried to deliver. In the end, in turned into a mix between a spy au and phantom thief au, so I hope that's alright. With that aside, I hope you enjoyed this piece! (Also, I hope there's enough SaiOuma in this... I found it difficult to incorporate large amounts of romance into this, so I tried to make it more romantic towards the end.)

Recently, numerous crimes had taken place in Towa City, and all of the clues led to one group. Only one group would leave clown masks, puzzles, aces, and dice on a crime scene, and that was DICE. For weeks, Saihara investigated the location of ‘DICE,’ an organization which he had been researching alongside Maki Harukawa and Kaito Momota. Together, the three of them discovered the location of the organization’s base through solving numerous puzzles left behind by a  criminal organization. 

Now, covered in a black cloak, Shuuichi Saihara slid between the shadows in a maze of alleyways in order to complete his mission of eliminating the leader of the evil organization. His golden eyes darted back and forth as he examined the familiar area around him. Making sure no one was around, the back haired boy skillfully jumped upon a dumpster before climbing onto the roof of an old. Of course, he made sure to crouch down so he would be out of sight. While searching the alleyway from above, Saihara eventually came across the fruit of his labor. There, a couple streets down was a single clown mask laying forgotten on the dirty ground. He scanned the area before leaping down to the floor. Saihara’s leather boots created a small thud as they connected with the ground, thankfully, this was the only source of evidence Saihara creating while being at DICE’s lair. As he approached the object, his hand wrapped around a crossbow hidden behind his cloak. 

Cautiously, the boy wrapped his glove covered hand around the shimmering mask. He stared at it with furrowed brows, why would a cunning organization, like DICE, leave such an obvious piece of evidence behind? Perhaps they had been in  rush to gather it?  _ No… surely they would’ve come back for it _ . Or maybe they were recently here?  _ Well, that would make sense as he was quite close to their hideout.  _ Saihara searched his mind for other possible answers, yet there was only a single thought that lingered in his mind.  _ What if… what if DICE left the mask behind on purpose? To use as a tr- _

As soon as Saihara wrapped his brain around the possibility, a ‘wooshing’ sound appeared behind him. He quickly snapped out of his thoughts, but it was seconds too late. As he whipped his head towards the direction of the noise, gas started to form around him. He covered his nose and mouth with his cloak as he frantically ran from the cloud of gas. Yet as far as he traveled, Saihara’s mind turned foggy, his eyes began to fall, and his legs felt numb. He pushed the feeling away multiple times, but the effects of the gas wouldn’t leave him. He leaned himself against the brick of an alley wall, attempting to catch his breath and think straight. He had to escape before the criminals caught up to him. The alleyway exit was in front of him… all he had to do was make it to the main road…

But as Saihara stepped out into the main road, a rope caught around his legs, pulling Saihara to the ground. He jumped back up to untie the bonds holding his legs, to cut the strangely firm rope with the tip of an arrow, but the rope wouldn’t budge, so Saihara went to Plan B. He began to crawl away from the pests. He knew he was a pitiful sight, yet it was what he had to do to report back to his colleagues. But as much as he tried, he was stopped when he felt a heavy object push down on his upper back. He peered at the source of the weight, only to be met with a white clown mask. His eyes reluctantly closed when he looked at the mask. Spots began to appear in his vision.  _ Dammit! He couldn’t just fall this easily. Harukawa and Kaito were relying on him to complete his mission but all he had done was let them down.  _ He did everything he could to stop it, but his began surroundings blended together, eventually fading into darkness. 

When Saihara began to wake up from his forced slumber, he felt sore everywhere. His legs and arms were pinched with rope, and his body was forced into a sitting position, on what seemed to be a metal chair. To top it off, his eyes were covered by a tightly knotted piece of fabric. He wriggled around in the chair, but the rope only scratched him more. By now, Saihara was full out panicking as his breaths became more rapid and his limbs began to shake. How he wished to crumple into a tight ball and comb his fingers through his tangled hair;  _ how he wished to go back and have Harukawa and Momota wrap him in a hug and assure him that everything was alright.  _ Through the midst of toying with his own mind, Saihara picked up on a faint sound of multiple people talking. 

“...ss, he’s the one who’s been chasing us around for months…” A deeper voice muttered. 

“Shouldn’t we just throw him back out? He’s of no use to us.” Another person suggested. 

“We can’t just let him into the public with what he knows…”

“Especially when he’s apart of the Future Foundation.”

“We can’t just leave him here though!”

“I know it’s against our policy, but it would be easier to just dispose of him while he’s out cold.” 

“Can’t we just make a mind-erasing chemical?”

“His colleagues would still know too much.”

“Are you saying that we need to capture them too?!”

“We’ve never done anything like this before… I’m kinda nervous…”

Numerous voices blurred together, but a bold voice spoke above the others, quieting the others immediately,“ Nishishi, is this what happens when I leave you to your own devices? Don’t worry, don’t worry! Your supreme leader has it  _ all _ figured out! And as a side note, you should really think about lowering your voices! I think our beloved  _ guest _ is finally awake!”

Saihara jumped at the sudden mention of himself. He couldn’t face the leader of a criminal organization while tied down helpless without a weapon, so he did the most rational thing he could think of. Saihara went limp and made his breaths shallowing as an attempt to convince the mysterious villain that he was still asleep. He squeezed his eyes shut as he heard two sets of footsteps grow closer. 

“So, Ace, care to brief me on this young gentleman?” The voice of the leader asked in a sarcastic tone. 

“Of course… This is Saihara Shuuichi, age 22. He is apart of a three-person investigation team for Future Foundation, but the small group appears to run on their own record, only sharing vital information with the foundation when asked to do so.” The female sounding voice explained. “Will this information suffice?”

“You know it! Now can you tell me about his personal life?” The leader replied. 

“Mister Saihara attended Hope’s Peak Academy until he was 18. Now, he is studying criminology at Towa University while working at the Future Foundation.” As the woman explained this, Saihara could hear the young male chanting  _ ‘Private-r! Privater-!’ _ continuously, as if he was trying to get a reaction from Saihara ( _ which he ignored of course).  _ After the obnoxious cheering, the girl continued, “His only current relative is his Uncle, Tantei Saihara, who lives nearby. Mister Saihara lived with his uncle for a majority of his life, and it appears that he lost both of his parents in an unfortunate event. He is most often seen alone or with Harukawa Maki and Momota Kaito, who are his two co-workers. My research has led me to believe that those two aided him in his quest to find our hideout, so I recommend we locate them shortly. Of course, it won’t be difficult to find them as they are most likely looking for their lost comrade.”

Saihara almost jumped out of his seat when he heard that last part. He had to escape and warn his friends to stop them from being captured like him. They knew where the DICE headquarters is, so they were in immediate danger, meaning that Saihara didn’t have much time. The two criminals needed to leave  _ now _ if he wanted to save Harukawa and Momota. His heart pulsed rapidly as he counted every second that passed… any moment now…

Suddenly, Saihara felt a pair of eyes on him, “Nishishi, thanks for all of that! And I guess the detective really is still asleep… Oh, well! More time for me to plan evil things! Come on Ace, the world isn’t going to take over itself!”

“B-but boss..! Shouldn’t we at least check to see if he’s awake?” The girl stammered. She was right… why would he be left alone so soon? Wasn’t he a threat to their organization? Wasn’t there a possibility that he could escape?

“He’ll be fine, trust me! Now come on, I need your expert skills!” And with that, the pair left the room, leaving Saihara alone once again. 

Once they left, Saihara shifted his hips and moved his tied hands to the pocket of his cargo pants, where a small key laid. After struggling to get it out, he placed it in between his wrists and started to rub the rope around them against the sharp edge. Creating enough friction, he felt the rope begin to loosen, eventually allowing his hands to slip out of the rope once the rope cut. With free hands, it was quite easy for Saihara to rid himself of the other restraints. 

Once free, Saihara leaped up from the chair and quickly began to plan his escape. He didn’t know the exact layout of the hideout, but he was certain that there were members patrolling the halls. He’d have to be cautious and carefully think out his approach. The halls would be the most direct route and they appeared to be the only possible way to go. Besides, Saihara didn’t have time to think through every possible circumstance. He had to escape as fast as possible, so he knew he’d have to take some risks to complete that. With that thought in his mind, Saihara picked up a deserted crossbow, placed it on his back, and ran through the unfamiliar hallway, darting his eyes back and forth to look out for any possible DICE members. Strangely enough, the halls appeared to be desolate; nobody roamed the halls; nobody made a sound. As Saihara continued to run, he couldn’t help but wonder about DICE. It was an odd organization, one Saihara had never encountered before, and it certainly wasn’t the famous organization he’d heard so much about. They hadn’t been overly cruel, and they had left his weapon in the same room as him. Was this truly the criminals he had chased after for months?

Saihara shook his head, this wasn’t the time to let his mind wander astray; he had to focus on his objective. He darted up a staircase, and soon enough he found himself in front of a large door with a lock. It was in the front of a large corridor with no trace of any kind of key. He searched for a window or skylight to escape from, but there was none. It looked like he’d have to turn back and locate the key before he could leave. 

His heart stopped as he heard footsteps behind him. Saihara quickly turned around, only to see a flash of purple in front of him. He jumped back and sprinted to the other side of the corridor, unsheathing his crossbow in the process. “Well, well, well, what do we have here?” A semi-familiar voice called out, “Looks like a mouse trapped in a corner to me, nishishi!”

Saihara turned his eyes to the voice. There in front of him was a shorter boy dressed in all white growing gradually closer to Saihara. His face was covered in a clown mask, but Saihara could picture a large grin behind it. “Y-you’re… the leader of DICE…” He gulped for air as he attempted to form words. 

“Relax! It’s not like I’m gonna kidnap you… Oh wait, I already have! How does that feel, Mister Spy?” The purple haired boy taunted as he purposely dragged out every word. In response, Saihara stayed silent and simply glared at the other boy. “I’m kidding! All I want is for us to have a little chat! It’ll just be the two of us, I promise.”

“You won’t try anything… right?” Saihara asked cautiously. He may not have known the leader of DICE very well, but he could tell that he was mischievous, meaning that he could never be too careful. 

“A goody-two-shoes like me wouldn’t even think about it! I can’t believe you even accused me of acting out of place!” The purple haired boy gasped obnoxiously.

“And it’ll be quick?” Saihara persisted.

“Duh! I have places to be, so it’s not like I can have a tea party with you all day.” The masked boy scoffed. “Oh, and before we go, I wouldn’t advise you to try anything with that weapon of yours. I’d hate to see what would happen if you did. So with that over with, vamanos!” He cheerfully skipped away after his warning, motioning for the investigator to come with. Saihara slumped the crossbow back over his shoulder as he followed behind. His eyes trailed to the leader, it would be so easy to rip the mask off of his face, yet something was telling him to restrain himself. The leader promised the meeting would be quick and then both of them could leave, right?

“Hey, hey, hey, Mister detective, while you were busy dreaming of nasty things, I got us both here! You’re welcome by the way. So come in, come in, make yourself at home!” The purple haired boy cheered as he pushed Saihara towards a small purple couch, practically shoving the investigator onto it. After he finished, the leader jumped beside Saihara. The leader made sure to sit as close as possible to Saihara, their arms touching. “Alrighty, I’ll start by asking you some questions, so listen closely! So what are ‘ya here for? I know you can’t just be here for my charming looks!”

“We both know the answer to that… can’t you just ask the girl, Ace, from earlier?” Saihara asked. This was just wasting his time, it wasn’t worth the effort to wait to help his friends.

“Nishishi, I just wanted your side of the story, but fine, be that way! I’ll just go do my super duper secret research! Feel free to escape or whatever, I’ll get back to you eventually!” The leader winked while forcing Saihara out of the door. “Sorry this had to be so short, but trust me when I say that we’ll be seeing each other soon! Now go scramble back to your foundation!”

“Wait-” Saihara started, but he was cut off by having a door slam in his face. What was that all about? The leader had barely had a chance to talk to him, but he certainly was adamant about being left alone. Saihara wasn’t curious though, if anything, now he could leave this place. He ran to the exit once again. This time the lock on the door mysteriously vanished, leaving an escape route out in the open. Saihara checked his surroundings before heaving the door open and leaving without a trace.

 

♠♣♥♦

 

Saihara sprinted all the way to his office at the Future Foundation. He slammed the door open. The two figures in the room stared at him with wide eyes. “...DICE…. after... guys… run… hurry..!” He could barely speak between his pants, but he needed to warn the two. 

“Calm down, Shuuichi! We were just waiting for you and we were bored and all, so the two of us looked at our old work, and we found our first DICE file, can you believe that?” Momota smiled warmly at the boy as if he was trying to visually convince the boy that everything was alright.

“There’s something we think you should look at, once you calm down that is,” Harukawa said curtly. 

“We found stuff that completely changes the course of our mission! Something about how DICE might not be the people we think they are…” Momota trailed off as he glanced at Saihara, “Hey bro, what’s wrong? You’ve got this creepy look on your face…”

Finally catching his breath, Saihara said, “We… we need to run. DICE knows that you have information on them, information that they don’t want out in the public.”

“Saihara, how did you discover this? It could be false information.” Harukawa pointed out. 

“They… they held me captive…” Saihara struggled to state the truth, not wanting to bring up the recent memory. 

“What the fuck? This doesn’t match up with anything!” Momota groaned, and Saihara agreed with his anger.  _ Why was DICE so confusing? Nothing had trained the trio for anything like the mischievous organization.  _

“We can’t forget about this development, but before you go any further, there’s something you need to know. Kaito and I looked back at the first DICE case, the one at the art museum. The painting was just located… it was hidden underneath the museum’s floorboards, which means that DICE never stole it. We still need to look into it more… but we have reason to believe that we’ve been completely wrong about them.” Harukawa summarized.

“That can’t be… I heard DICE members talk… they said that you guys know too much…” Saihara replied. He was in shock… he had been kidnapped moments ago by an organization that may have down nothing at all?

“We’re so close to finding the truth, you gotta help us!” Momota exclaimed in response.

“I just… I’m so confused. We’re so close to the truth, yet every piece of evidence seems to bring up more questions.” Saihara rambled. 

“Well, that’s why you have us, right Maki Roll?” Momota said. 

Harukawa nodded in agreement, “This case is extremely annoying, but DICE will screw up soon. We’ll take them by surprise when that happens.” She paused as she glanced at the two males, “And we won’t recklessly rush into their lair again. We may be trained investigators, but we’re not like the spies in movies. Let’s think and develop a more rational plan.”

“We’ll solve this case, so don’t you worry, Shuuichi!”

 

♠♣♥♦

 

A month had passed since Saihara had encountered DICE. Thankfully, the organization never came for Harukawa and Kaito, yet since his encounter, Saihara constantly found his mind going back to the purple haired leader. Something drew Saihara to him, something he couldn’t understand. He soon found himself wishing to see the leader again. With every piece of evidence unraveled, he found himself wondering more and more about the lies of the boy. He needed to find out the truth, but his patience was growing thin.  While he had managed to capture six members of the organization, they had been of no use to him. Their words were methodically chosen, the members only speaking in complex riddles. There were still 5 members out there, including the leader, who had strangely never appeared on a single crime scene after his run-in with Saihara. Without the leader, no new evidence was coming to him, so he decided to find it himself. 

It was almost midnight when Saihara arrived at his destination. It was the same alleyway he had been captured in, but there was a possibility that there were answers hidden away there. He sat on a rooftop, his eyes scanning for any traces of possible evidence. Suddenly, a cool breeze filled the air around Saihara. As soon as it stopped, the sound of footsteps appeared behind him.

Saihara whipped his head back, his eyes focusing on a shorter boy with his hands up in surrender, “I’m here to have a civilized conversation. If you don’t pull any tricks, I won’t.” He compromised as he sat next to the investigator. 

To say that Saihara was surprised would be a huge understatement. He choked on his own spit as he tried to form words, “H-how? Why..?” He managed to croak out. Mentally, he was slapping himself. He needed to be more confident than this when speaking to a criminal, how else was he supposed to stand up for himself?

“Nishishi, call it what you will, but I need to have a little chat with my favorite detective. Don’t worry, it won’t be rushed like our last get together! Sadly, there’s no tea, but let’s not let that ruin the mood!” The purple haired boy cheered as he clapped his hands together in… _ excitement? _ Saihara didn’t know what to call it, but the boy appeared to be overjoyed. “Okie, dokie! It’s my turn to speak! So I just wanted to talk about…”

Out of character, Saihara interrupted the other boy, “I know you’re worried about your comrades, and I wanted to let you know that nothing has happened to them. Now there’s something I needed to ask you… why haven’t you…”

This time, the purple haired boy cut off Saihara, “I’m just gonna stop you right there. I never said you could ask me questions!”

“And I never said you could ask me question either.” Saihara refuted. 

“Touche,” The leader remarked, “Listen, I know you escaped my lair to save your friends, so you understand that I need my comrades at any cost.” 

“What… what are you getting at?” Saihara asked, growing worried. Saihara reached for the crossbow beside him, who knew what he was going to pull. 

“I need to rescue them at any cost…” The purple haired boy muttered as he stood up. Suddenly, he punched on the investigator, pulling him down to the ground. Saihara helped as he pushed the boy away, quickly getting up and aiming his crossbow at the fallen leader. 

“It doesn’t have to be this way,” Saihara threatened. His hands were shaking, but this was his chance. He could end all of the trouble now, yet some invisible force was stopping him. 

“Hm? I’m afraid it does,” He hummed, “You’re so soft. Can you really defeat me here? Betcha can’t!”

“S-stop!” Saihara yelled at him, “Just come with me peacefully and we’ll work something out. I can limit your punishment! I’ll stop anyone from hurting your team members!” His face felt wet and sticky as he spoke. Why… why was he crying? This was a criminal mastermind, not a close friend.

The boy’s face suddenly flashed with anger, “Don’t you dare say those words,” he snarled, “Don’t you dare lie to me.”

“I-I’m not! I promise to protect all of DICE. I’ll do everything in my power, hell, I’ll go above my authority to make sure all of you stay safe!” Saihara swore. 

The boy stood up weakly as he reached towards his face, tearing off the clown mask. Underneath the mask, his face was covered in tears, his lilac eyes were red, and his purple hair was disheveled. He reached a pale arm towards the detective, “Nishishi… guess you’ve finally got me, Mister detective. I’m in your hands now, so don’t rough me up too much.”

Saihara cradled the criminal in his hands as he fell to the ground. His lilac eyes dimmed as he stared at Saihara. Saihara’s breaths turned heavier and his hands began to shake. He had captured the leader of DICE, but this wasn’t how he pictured it. He was supposed to reign superior over him, yet he was currently calming the shaking boy down. He was too young, too young to be a proclaimed criminal mastermind. 

The time of false promises was over. At that moment, Saihara swore to himself that he wouldn’t let any harm come upon the boy built of lies. 

 

♠♣♥♦

 

A cold autumn breeze messed with Saihara’s loose hairs as he approached a small boy adorned in a checkered scarf. His face was scrunched up as he concentrated on the sidewalk in front of him. This was the one and only infamous leader of the once criminal organization, DICE. Out of the corner of his eye, the leader spotted Saihara and began to speak, “I want to start over.” He muttered. 

Saihara started at him with a look of confusion, “What do you mean?”

“I’m Ouma Kokichi,” The boy, Ouma, said as he gazed at Saihara with a look of dedication in his sparkling eyes. He held out his hand, waiting for Saihara to take it. 

Did Ouma want to leave everything in the past? To forget about all the bad patches in his life? To create a fresh plate to build a new life upon? Saihara couldn’t refuse something like that, so he nodded, respecting his decision. “Nice to meet you Ouma, I’m Saihara Shuuichi.” A calloused hand wrapped around a smaller hand. Golden eyes met lilac ones,

“Let’s be friends this time.”

**Author's Note:**

> Notes:
> 
> 11 members of DICE - In-game text suggests that Ouma has 10 subordinates, while only 9 are shown in the picture we are given. I chose to include the mysterious extra character because I have a feeling that something happened to them before the picture was taken, and that something hasn’t occurred in this universe.
> 
> Crimes- Ouma's organization is supposed to be fairly harmless, so I imagined that Ouma 'robbed' museums for the thrill of it.
> 
> Epilogue - The last scene takes place a few years after the incidents in the story. By then, all DICE members have finished their punishments (which were mostly community service) and are now trying to fit back into society.


End file.
